we have to talk
by athme
Summary: second stories in my Forever Knight series. This story takes place between my rewrite of ashes to ashes and my rewrite of last night. it is a stand alone one shot reading ashes to ashes revised is not necessary but advised.


We have to talk.

Nick woke up early, well early for him at least. The sun was barely setting he sighed as he stretched and got out of bed. It had been two days since the incident at The Raven and since Tracy had found out about him. She had called in to work for the past two days taking time off to care for a sick friend. Yesterday she had talked to him though and he promised he would spend time talking to her. He was not looking forward to it he was looking even less forward to the other conversation he was going to have to have tonight.

He walked downstairs and picked up the phone and dialed Natalie's phone number. It rang just twice before Nat answered, "Lambert speaking if this is work calling no I will not come in tonight." Nick laughed, "when have you ever turned down overtime?" Natalie groaned, "I had three autopsies last night and then this morning I had to stay late for an all shifts meeting. I am bushed." Nick said, "it's just as well your not working," he cleared his throat and said with a little hesitancy, "we have to talk. Mind if I come over to your place?" Natalie said, "sure that would be fine besides saves me a trip over to your place to drop off a new shake mix I want you to try."

Nick grimaced oh this was not going to be fun at all he thought to himself. "I'll be over in about a half hour would that be okay?" after Nat answered in the affirmative Nick hung up the phone.

Nick walked across the room from the phone and opened the refrigerator he took stock of what was in it he only had three bottles with The Raven's mark on it. Well that will get me through the weekend he thought but I am going to have to go pick up more before work on Monday. He uncorked a new bottle and took a long drink from it. He poured some of it into a silver flask he pulled out of a cabinet that was next to the refrigerator after this he put the cork back into the bottle and then placed the bottle back in the refrigerator. He had been drinking human since after his encounter with Divia. The hunger was driving him crazy it gnawed at him and caught him off guard when he least expected.

Nick got to Natalie's apartment building roughly a half hour after he had hung up the ride was uneventful and he paid too much attention to traffic to even think about what he was going to say to Natalie. Nat opened the door to greet him, "Hi Nick you said you needed to talk to me about something?" Nick thought to himself she is not wasting anytime getting right to the point is she. "You remember what I told you about Vachon being attacked by Diva and how Tracy knows I am a vampire now?" Natalie grinned, "that's yesterday's news of course I know about that. In a way it makes me more happy than it should, You are going to tell her I know about you as well aren't you?" Nick nodded, "yes this is one of those cases of in for a penny in for a pound, I am going to tell her the whole truth as far as my life is concerned."

Nat headed to the refrigerator and pulled out a clear cup that contained a pinkish liquid in it. "I know the color looks a little odd but I think this might be actually something you can drink without making awful faces." Nick sighed, "Nat that is what we need to talk about. I won't be drinking any more shakes I won't be cutting back on blood, and I hate to say this but I have switched back to human from steers blood."

Natalie looked more concerned than angry, "what, so you have decided you don't want to be mortal any more? Fine what else, now are you getting ready to tell Tracy the truth and then run away?"

Nick looked at Natalie a little shocked by what she had said, "did I say I was leaving town? No I am not I just said I am drinking human blood at least for the a while." Natalie interrupted Nick, "the steers blood was bad enough Nick if you want to be human you are going to have to quit drinking blood period, this is the mother of all backsliding!"

As nick listened to Natalie he got angry and then without even meaning to his fangs dropped and his eyes changed, Nick turned away from Natalie and faced the wall but not before she saw the change and gasped. He said around his fangs as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the flask he had filled earlier. "that is exactly why I am back to drinking human blood. Natalie Diva bit me just as she bit Vachon her poison is in my system even now. I don't have the control I used to have! This is not what I want this is how things have to be!"

Natalie put her hand on Nick's shoulder and turned him to face her. "I am not going to pretend I understand what you're going through right now and I am sorry for shouting at you but you have to understand I have seen you eat food before I have always thought you were so close to getting what you want. I am sorry to say I lost faith for a second there faith that you were going to stick by wanting to be mortal again. After the fever and this recent crisis with Divia I see you slipping away, away from me away from the mortal world. It just seems like you are more a part of the vampire world than you have ever been before in all the time I have known you."

Nick sighed, "you want to know something Nat every time you have ever seen me eat or heck even drink one of those foul tasting shakes you have made for me you haven't seen and I haven't told you how I have paid for it." Natalie frowned, "what do you mean paid for it?" Nick answered, "the last time I ate real food after I had been shot in the head after my memory came back I was sick for hours throwing up everything I had eaten. Even the fever did not make me feel as bad as I felt then."

Natalie took a step back from Nick, "it's really that bad? No, don't answer that. I believe what you just said. You know I never thought about it what you go through every day, the fact to you it must seem like you're starving all the time and worst still you never complain. But I do have a confession to make. You remember Valentine's day two years ago, I sure do. Yes I know you tried hard to convince me to forget it I actually did for about a week. But I remember everything."

Nick looked shocked at hearing Natalie's confession, "I never meant any of those hurtful horrible things I said. I simply said them so that LaCroix would leave you alone. I was afraid of what he would do." Natalie shook her head and looked at Nick, "that is an excellent example of what's wrong with you. Though you made the decision to say those things, while you never explained to me why you said them, until now you said them and then you tried to make me forget about it. Not because you were worried about me quitting trying to find a way to help you. Not even because you didn't want to apologize for saying those things. Simply because you knew it would hurt my feelings to have to remember that, and now I can see there was also another reason, it hurt you to say it. It tore you up inside to say those things and yet if you could make me forget it maybe it would have hurt you less. You hide all your problems from the world content to suffer in silence thinking that if you do that you'll be a better person some how."

Nick looked at Natalie, "this conversation is going nothing like I expected it would. I don't know what to say. I am sorry doesn't begin to cover what I owe you." Natalie looked at Nick with almost mock sternness on her face, "you got that right buster. Going forward there are going to be a few new rules in our relationship. For now you are going to drink blood because you need it. Then whenever we start back on trying to find a cure you're going to tell me when you get sick. No more suffering in silence I mean that Nick. Another thing I want to discuss with you. If in a year's time we have not found a cure for you. You're going to bring me across." Nick started to argue, "Nat I can't do that, it would change you" He would have kept going but Natalie raised a hand and put it over his mouth. 'Knowing you has changed me working, with other vampires has changed me. I will never be the same person I was before you walked into my life and guess what. I don't want to be! You will bring me across so I can be with you for however long it takes me to find a cure and we will take it together. Either you will do it or I am sure LaCroix will or maybe even Vachon."

Nick sighed, "but Natalie that is not fair to you for you to have to leave everything you know behind and trade it for the bonds of a vampire. It's not right" Natalie looked like she was prepared for this argument, "Damn it Nick I haven't said it until now because that is not how we do things. To the rest of the world we are just friends hell half the time I think we fool ourselves into believing that. You do care about me I know that! Frankly I can't keep going on this way. I love you. I want to be with you I want to spend the rest of my life with you 50 years or 500 years doesn't make any difference. Sooner or later if you don't find your cure you will have to move on and when that happens if that happens I intend to pack up shop and move with you."

Nick looked dumbfounded by Natalie's revelation, "but what about LaCroix you know he won't stand idly by and just let us be together. Besides that how do we keep him from interfering with us." Natalie looked at Nick, "you know I actually think he would be happy if you brought me across. You may not believe it but I know he does love you in his own way. When you were possessed by whatever that was who was it that took you to see Vanderwal. When you were shot in the head and hospitalized LaCroix was there whammying everyone in sight covering up anything that looked abnormal. The main problem between you two is your drive to be human if you brought me across he might think that you are willing to stay a vampire."

Nick looked at his watch, "ugh I am going to be late for my meeting with Tracy. I have to run if I am going to make it. Literally fly Nat this is a huge favor but could you drive my car over to my place tomorrow I am not going to have time to come back and get it tonight." Natalie sighed, "yeah I'll just add it to the bill of IOU's you have already racked up. But I want you to think hard about what we have talked about tonight." Nick smiled and answered, "I promise I will. Mind if I use a window to get out of here." Natalie walked into the living room of her apartment and opened the window.

As Nick flew back to his loft where he promised to meet Tracy. He thought to himself Natalie said she loves me! He was happy about it and worried at the same time. Happy because he did love Natalie, worried because he didn't know how he was going to handle things with LaCroix. Well at least he is on holiday for awhile I can think about how to deal with that later. As he got close to his place he saw Tracy's car sitting out front of it.

He landed just behind the car and walked up to the window and knocked on it. Tracy was startled and dropped her cell phone she was talking on. "Jesus nick what is it with you people. First Vachon did it all the time now I am going to have to put up with it from you as well? Is it some sort of oath vampires have to take? Scare the snot out of every mortal who knows about you every chance you get."

Nick laughed at Tracy and said, "only the ones who carry on about it like you do. Nat at least figured out fast that hiding being startled was the quick way to make it not fun enough to bother with. Come on in I have some instant coffee if you would like a cup."

As they rode the elevator up Tracy said, "so Natalie knows you are a vampire? How long has she known?" Nick laughed, "the answer to that would be from the first moment we met. I was trying to stop a robbery and the robber was armed with a pipe bomb long story short she noticed something was not normal about me when I sat up on her morgue table." Tracy snorted, "yeah I imagine you getting up and saying hi kind of surprised her. Let me guess she is a resistor.' Nick smiled and said, "yep you got it on the first guess." When they reached the top floor nick opened the door on the elevator, "go on in sit anywhere that looks comfortable to you. You want that cup of coffee or not?" Tracy made a face, "instant is horrible I think I will pass." Nick laughed, "I never understood that. Why does the stuff continue to be made if no one will drink it?" Tracy answered, "I hear some Americans drink it, no accounting for taste I guess."

As Tracy sat down on the sofa she asked, "how long have you been a vampire anyways? I gathered from talking to Vachon these past couple of days your pretty old." Nick said, "oh ancient probably to hear him talk. Truth be told I am right at eight hundred years old." Tracy looked at Nick a long time while she processed that then she asked, "how long has it been since you killed anyone? Vachon said he didn't know when I asked him and I really need to know this if I am going to continue to be your partner." Nick replied, "I assume you mean to feed? It had been over one hundred years since I have killed to feed." Tracy nodded, "Vachon told me you're not happy as a vampire and you want to be mortal again." Tracy snickered and added, "he said that would probably last all of a week tops you'd forget you weren't bullet proof anymore and some stupid punk would kill you." She sobered a little and then went on, "he also said your master would not be happy and would probably bring you back across kicking and screaming and then there is the matter of the enforcers." Nick sighed, "he might be right but I want to try. It's important to me that I atone for some of the things I have done." Tracy said, "isn't it enough that you're a good cop. Frankly I have looked at your record it's scary in a way how many cases you've closed. Isn't that a form of atonement."

Nick walked over to the window that looked out over the water, "that may be. But I miss the sun I miss being able to walk around in the daylight instead of hiding in plain sight. I miss being able to do normal things that everyone else does." Tracy snorted, "that sounds like self pity talking! I am a good cop, given my family it is no surprise but you are an awesome cop. You probably could probably live the rest of your life never working a day. Just shut yourself in and paint your paintings and live off the money they would bring if you sold them. You're a cop because you are good at it and you know it. You're a cop because you enjoy it. You enjoy helping people. Nick I don't know if you have ever thought about it but becoming mortal is a death sentence. Not all at once but sooner or later if you become mortal again you will die."

Nick looked at Tracy shocked to hear her talking like that. "you have been talking to Vachon a lot lately do you think he is happy with what he is and how he lives?" Tracy looked down at her hands, "no but I know why he isn't entirely happy even if he doesn't ." Tracy cleared her throat, "no that is not exactly true either he know he just doesn't want to face it." Tracy looked at Nick, "I am going to tell you something but you have to swear that you will never tell Vachon that I told you this." Nick looked at Tracy with a little confusion evident in his eyes, "Tracy I don't know if I can keep that promise."

Tracy said, "okay then I am going to tell you anyway do you know how Vachon became a vampire?" Nick raised an eyebrow at Tracy, "no I don't know all the details." Tracy got up and walked over to the mantle and looked into the fire. "It was when he first came over to America he was with a Spanish expedition He came over looking to find fortune and glory, instead he found his death or nearly that in a fight with an Inca warrior. As he and the Inca lay down on the ground soaked in their own blood dying A vampire came to them, Nick you should hear him describe it in his own words, he at first thought she was an angel she brought him and the Inca across that night. She taught them a little bit of what it meant to be a vampire. Then she charged both of them with a task to protect people to help others. Then she walked into the sunlight and died. Vachon woke up before the Inca did he says now he has no pride about what he did but he stabbed into the ground where the Inca was sleeping and ran. He ran from responsibility. He is still running."

Nick looked at Tracy, "so you think he is unhappy because he because he is running refusing to live up to his charge?" Tracy looked at Nick, "I might be a fool for thinking it, but I believe that his own inner peace and happiness relies on finding a way to live up to his reason for being made into what he is now. I also know if he knows I told you this he would feel like I am putting my nose where it doesn't belong, but Nick I think, no scratch that, I know you can help him." Nick sighed, " you have fallen for him badly you know that? You are trying to remake him subtly you love him but you know he can be more than he is and it hurts you." Tracy looked at Nick her eyes watering slightly, "yes damn him, he can be more than he is, at times he tries but he doesn't have a guide. You can be that guide if you try, and he accepts it. I may not have known him for long but I want to leave a mark on his life I want to change him for the better." Nick put a hand on Tracy's arm, "you know if I had real friends like Natalie and like you are trying to be to Vachon, I might not have been here now. I might have become mortal a lot sooner. Yes I will do what I can provide whatever help Vachon will accept to leading a different better life." Tracy cheered up and hugged Nick, "thanks it's about time that slacker grew up."

Nick chuckled, "speaking of that slacker how is he liking the place I gave him the keys to?" Tracy ducked her head, "um it's a really nice house the neighborhood is nice too. We have cleaned it up a little. One thing is for sure it has been awhile since anyone lived there." Nick looked at Tracy almost staring straight through her, "you're not telling me something. Has he moved back into that abandoned church?" Tracy looked at her feet, "well he wanted to, but I told him there is no way in hell I was going to come visit him there often. Much less" Tracy's voice kind of trailed off into a soft whisper, "move in with him." Nick laughed, "you moved into the house with him" then he sobered up and looked at Tracy, "you're not taking any unnecessary risks are you?" Tracy looked at Nick, "you mean like being anywhere near him when he is just waking up?" Nick laughed harder at that, "yeah I would classify that as an unnecessary risk." Tracy said, "Vachon underestimated you he said you would probably blow a gasket when you found out, made some remark about you being an old fashioned guy before it was called old fashioned." Nick shrugged, "you're both adults and I told him to use the place as if it was his own. I can't say I totally agree with you two getting as involved with each other as you seem to be. Then again who am I to judge. We are both off tomorrow and the day after but if you want me to talk and work with Vachon we are going to need at least both days. Besides your request I had promised to teach him a few things about his abilities no one has shown him." Tracy smiled and joked, "oh so you're going to show him the Ultra-secret vampire club handshake. No problem I actually had talked to the captain and agreed to switch shifts with Barclay I got his days off and he is taking mine off there is a wedding he wants to attend out of town this weekend."

Tracy looked out the window, "the sun will be up soon I need to get out of here and head over to my apartment since you already know I am staying at the house I am going to move a few more of my things over there." Nick stood up, "Tracy I won't tell Vachon what you confided in me, but I really have to stress this right here there are three people you can talk to about vampires. Me, Natalie, and Vachon no one else. Vachon is your pass into knowing about our kind as long as he says he will take responsibility for you. You will be safe as far as enforcers go. You must be careful that oath is a blood responsibility if the enforcers think you are a risk of more mortals finding out about our kind the consequences won't just be on your head Vachon will share them as well." Tracy let out a low soft whistle, "I can see now why no one knows about your kind, Vachon once told me the enforcers would got to any length to protect the community but he never stressed it the way you just did. Do you think there will be any real problems for us," Tracy made a circling motion with her hand, "of the enforcer variety." Nick shook his head, "nah as long as we keep our heads low and don't draw any attention from the community the enforcers could care less."

After Tracy left nick picked up the phone, "Hey Vachon it's me Nick. Yeah Tracy just left here." For the first time this evening when he spoke he did not feel any apprehension at saying, "we have to talk." Vachon answered with, "ah man Tracy told you she moved in with me." Nick shot back with, "yes as a matter of a fact she did. That's not what we have to talk about remember I told you I was going to teach you some things you were not told about? Well if you are interested in learning I suggest you be here at the loft tomorrow about an hour after sundown. I mean it Vachon one hour after sundown if you aren't here in time I will be gone out to do some other things. This is a one time offer."

Vachon gulped at the other end of the line, "so your not going to rip me a new one for letting Tracy move in." Nick laughed, "Tracy is almost a force of nature when she has made up her mind about something, I can't hold that against you. But Vachon if you ever hurt her I will kill you." Vachon answered back quickly, "I'd expect nothing less from you Nick you care for and defend your friends. Frankly I'd be more worried about Tracy killing me first though." Nick hung up the phone and looked around the Loft he realized he had a little time left before he should head to bed so he shut the shutters and started a new painting. Humming and thinking to himself for the first time in a long time all is right in the world. He never thought how relieved he would feel at letting Tracy know the truth about him.


End file.
